Well, I think Simon's done nursing. He hasn't nursed since Tuesday morning. It's such a bittersweet time for me. When he skipped Monday morning, I was sad that Sunday had been our last time and I didn't know. But then, God is good, Simon wanted to nurse Tuesday morning and I was very focused on it, knowing it was probably our last time. He didn't know or care, but it was very special to me.
He has woken up to nurse the last two days about 6 am, and Tim has given him his pacifier and he went right back to sleep. So it's not that he needs to nurse, it's just his habit to nurse then.
I'm ready to be done, but Tim knows if I go in to give Simon the pacifier I'll probably cave and just nurse him again. So he's helping me be strong. Simon'll be 13 months next week, so it's time. But it means he's not a baby anymore, not that there was any question with his walking and climbing abilities, and his increasing vocal pursuits and his personality popping out all over the place.
For me this is a welcome break, the first time since August of 2001 that I haven't been pregnant or nursing or both. I think my body could handle going back to just taking care of it's ownself and not another "self." But it also sort of puts me at a loss as to a piece of my identity. Like on TV when they advertise drugs, they say "Not for women who are pregnant or nursing..." and I have always been happy that I was in that category. I was in a group that needed only the best things to "grow a baby" either on the inside or out. Now I'm not part of that group, which is fine, I knew this day would come, but I can't help but be a little nostalgic for the days of sweet little newborns and baby breath.
And we don't know if there will be any more babies for our family, we are in prayer about that now. We want to do God's will, but sometimes it's hard to tell if God is pressing something on your heart or if you just want something and you think it's God pressing on your heart.
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