Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Overwhelmed Funk

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Bite off more than you can chew? Take on too much?

What do you do? How do you fix it?

That's where I am right now and I'm not seeing an end in sight. My guess it's really a combination of things, but it's still a hole I need to dig out of.

My sweet husband tries to help me get out of my funk-but is he going to nurse Jesse for me or run at 30 degrees in the dark so I'm ready for the half? I think not.

I've got a lot going on, but I always do so it really shouldn't be that. Although I do remember telling Tim back in the day when he said he wanted 4 children, that the only way I would do that was if by the time we had 3 I was working part time and at 4 I would stay home.

Turns out we have four small boys and I still work full time. Not what I had envisioned.

I'm not the mom I wanted to be. I feel so pressed for time, ALL the time. I end up with a short temper and yell at the kids-but they're just kids, it's not their fault I feel this way.

Part of it is that Eli is struggling in school so we spend a lot of time each night on homework. He has trouble focusing when the other boys are around so I stay with him and I'm not getting to spend any time with my other boys. And Eli is smart, he's just having trouble getting it out of his brain and down on paper so that almost makes it more frustrating.

I don't know how to be a good mother/wife in my current situation. I feel like I'm spread too thin. Somehow I need to find the strength to "buck up" but I'm not sure where to find it.

I know I probably won't get the answers here, but I needed to vent. When I have to write things out I get so much more clarity. I have to form arguments that other people can follow and that is so good for me because my mind doesn't work that way normally.

I'm actually starting to feel better already. I have a church commitment that ends at the end of the year so that will free up some time. I just need to figure out what else I can weed out or be more efficient at.


Deanna said...

I think we all get caught up in thinking we have to be perfect mothers every minute of every single day of our childrens' lives. We are all overwhelmed and get "funky" sometimes. There are some days that even as a stay-at-home mom, I feel like I've let my kids down or neglected to be the kind of mom I wanted to be.

On those days that I have disappointed myself by thinking I've disappointed my children, I try to remind myself that when they are hurt/sick/tired/hungry/in need of snuggles, it's ME they turn to. They know that they can count on me--and THAT is the mark of a good mom.

Be encouraged that in your childrens' eyes, you're tops! When you start seeing yourself through their eyes, you'll see one SUPER, AMAZING mom!!!

Jessica said...

I agree with Deanna...we all get into a funk. I think it is difficult as working mothers to feel like we are spending enough time with our kids and are able to be the mom we want to be. I only have one kiddo and I still get stressed out and feel the same way. I don't have much advice, but just know you aren't alone. :)

Deanna said...

Are you feeling any better this week? My down times seem to come and go in spurts.

Sending a big Thanksgiving hug today!