I had a minor revelation this weekend. You see, I have gotten my hair cut and I'm getting nothing but compliments-which is nice. But every time I get a compliment there's a voice in my head that turns it around and makes it a bad thing. I'll give you an example:
"Janelle your hair looks great, I love it!" I hear: Janelle your hair looked awful, it's about time you did something decent with it!
How wrong is that? When I give someone a compliment that's not what I'm secretly thinking so I had no idea why I would assume they were thinking something bad.
I have literally gotten a compliment about my hair from almost everyone I know-some people don't notice or just don't say anything about such things, but the feedback from everyone else has been hugely successful. Consequently, I have really worked on not being embarrassed or beating myself up with each comment. And it's been hard.
Tim and I were talking about it last night, and I have that problem with him too-I always think he's saying something bad, when he's not. I was trying to figure out if it's just somehow how I'm wired or if my parents did it to me. Because if they did something to make me this way I surely don't want to do it to my boys!
Tim didn't see any way that my parents could have done anything to make me this way. Then he asked to give an example of when I feel that way about him so I did. My example was that I cleaned the living room, which means got all of the toys and clutter out, and he walks in and says, "The living room looks nice" and what I hear is "It's about damn time you cleaned up this junk!"
It was so funny as soon as I said it out loud I said, "That sounds exactly like my dad!" Indeed. I think my dad doesn't know how to pay a compliment and thus only says the bad side of the compliment, which is what I heard growing up. So if someone compliments me I was left to assume that they were too polite to say what they were really thinking and spun off the compliment.
Here's my best example of my dad-it made me sad when he said it, but I've come to think it's a hilarious story. We were pregnant with Eli and had invited over my parents at the same time, which was a feat in itself as my dad won't be in the same town as my mom if he can help it, but we wanted to tell them at the same time-our first baby, their first grand baby. So I said, "We're having a baby!" My mom and grandma were all, Congratulations! That's great! How exciting! How are you feeling? My dad said, "I thought you been lookin' like hell lately!" Okay, thanks!
I feel like now that I have realized why that voice in my head trys to make something bad out of something good I can eliminate it. It's going to be huge for me!
As Tim reminded me again, we're on the same side, he's not against me. It's a lesson that is so hard for me to fully grasp, but I'm getting it piece by piece. Thankfully Tim and I have a lifetime to get me to learn it!
I'm thankful that I have a sweet husband who wants the best me there is and is willing to help me get there. I love that man!