Rocking

It was bedtime and time for me to rock Jesse, but he was sitting in the rocker and said, "No, I do it. My Self. Rock self."

Indeed, rock yourself child! If I could get him to potty train himself we'd be all set!

Simon sensing the opportunity says, "Will you rock me Mom?"

"Sure Simon, come here." I sat on the footstool since it rocks too and pulled Simon onto my lap. He snuggled into me like a little baby.

"You don't want me to rock you very often, this is nice." He's not an overly touchy person, he needs his space. "It's hard for me to know you love me, the other boys always want to snuggle with me, but you don't. Turns out you DO love me!" I squeezed him tight. He just smiled his slow smile.

Then he said, "Someday when you die, I'm just going to lay down."
"You mean when I get old and die?"
"Yeah when you're old, you'll die. We all die. And I'll just lay down."
"Why, 'cause you'll be so sad?"
"Yeah, I'll be so sad I'll just lay right down."

He's brought up, lots, (well probably five, but that seems like a lot for a four year old) of times about when I get old I'll die. He's very matter of fact about it. I'm glad he has a handle on the cycle of life and I'm glad he's not worried about me dying young. He's not overly dramatic about it, it's very interesting.

By then Jesse realized that he wanted on the stool if Simon and I were having a good time there so we switched places. The chair was much better for the two of us. I snuggled him in tight again and I said, "You look a lot like your Daddy, but you act like your uncle Keith."

He laughed and said, "How do I act like Keith?"

"Well, you act like you don't want to be hugged and loved on, but really you do! Uncle Keith is just like that!"

He laughed at the thought of being like Keith, and we rocked and snuggled. We both enjoyed our snuggle time.


Now today as I'm writing this about Simon, I realize that Simon may be some like his uncle, but he may have a lot closer of a link to that behavior trait---I'm like that! I have a big square of physcial personal space that I don't like invaded-much like Simon. I'm independent and strong and I don't want anyone to help me or to show "weakness" in needing a hug or some love, but sometimes all I really want is for someone to hold me and take care of me-like Simon.

I'll have to keep that in mind as I help Simon grow up. Funny how I never realized it until I was typing out this story. It seems so obvious! That's why I write though. I can't make my thoughts and feelings solid until I've had to articulate them on paper. Guess I need to keep writing through this parenting process. I need all the help I can get.