Consequences

We are given many freedoms, both by God and by our government. Both of which I hold dear. Along with that freedom comes choice. That, I truly cherish. Everyone has the freedom of choice. Some people choose wisely, some make stupid decisions. But it is their choice. Not mine.

Choices are decisions that spur further actions and consequences. We think of consequences as bad things typically. But that is not true-as a society we choose to only talk about consequences in a negative light. I am teaching my boys that every action has a consequence, it may be good, it may be bad. I’m teaching them to think of the consequence at the beginning of the process, at the point they are contemplating the choices available.

For example, when my boys get mad at each other, here is what I’d like to see in their minds:
When I punch my brother in the face, my anger will be immediately released, but a likely consequence is I will get punched back. Is that what I want the next sequence of this chain of events to be?
I could use words to express my anger, the anger will be released much more slowly, but possibly work out the issue with my brother. A likely consequence of that is we will get to play together since no one will be mad. Yeah, that’s the option I choose.

We are born sinners and each of us has our own specific weakness where we are more likely to sin. What I struggle with-my temper and speaking before I think, you may not. Some people’s weakness is theft, some people it’s adultery.

My point is, even though I struggle with losing my temper and saying things before I speak, by no means it is out of my control. I control every word and action that comes out of my body. I make a choice every day to keep my mouth shut and THINK before something comes out of it, or I choose to let it fly. I make that decision. The consequence of thinking first is I can keep friends a lot better as an adult than I did as a child when I let it fly. I like that consequence. Do I mess up? Sure, I’m only human. But I also understand there are consequences to popping off to someone that makes me mad, so I keep making the choice day after day to keep my opinions to myself when the consequence of voicing those opinions does not give me the outcome I desire.

Let’s put this in current context with the criminal shooting last week and the loss of innocent lives in a movie theatre.

We have the freedom to own guns. We have a choice to use those guns to kill animals to feed our family and protect our life and property from harm or to use them in rage to kill other humans. There are consequences to the decisions on how we choose to use guns. Consequences here in the laws of the land we live in, as well as consequences from the law of God our Father.

I find it interesting that a knee-jerk reaction to an event like this is to somehow ban guns. To take away the freedom of all to own guns because someone made a choice to use those guns to kill in a fit of rage is equitable to taking away the freedom to have children because someone chose to hurt their child. Or to take away the freedom to drive a car because someone chose to drive recklessly  and caused an accident that inflicted pain on an innocent person.

There should be swift consequences to those criminal choices. However, the consequence should not be to take away the freedoms of all because of the choice of the few. We are all accountable for our choices and should suffer the consequences for our decisions, both good and bad.

We need to be better at letting the proper consequences follow the actions the spurred it. Freedom and choice must stand. Appropriate consequences must be delivered.

Common Man

I Do Not Choose to Be a Common Man

It is my right to be uncommon--if I can.

I seek opportunity--not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me.

I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.

I refuse to barter incentive for a dole. I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopia.

I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout. I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.

It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations and to face the world boldly and say, "This I have done."

By Dean Alfange

*Originally published in This Week Magazine.


I took it from Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University workbook. It about sums up my political views so I thought I'd share.

Morality Views

I was reading a newsletter that I get for conservative type views and followed a few links and got to a blog post that I could have written. Well, if I was a good writer and well versed in specific Bible verses I could have written it. It is a post about homosexuality and I thought I would link to it as I find it well written, concise, and accurate. I don't know that it would sway anyone from an opposing view point, but I appreciated it. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=408758
I had the same basic discussion as that post with a friend of mine about four years ago and while I didn't sway her to my viewpoint she did say she had never spoken with someone who was able to articulate intelligently why they felt the way they did about homosexuals.
My argument to her was that we all are born with sinful tendencies and it is up to us to act is such a way as to not fall into the sinful temptation we are prone to. Myself, I've not had problems with wanting to kill people (an obvious sin), but I do have a hard time with my anger (not such an obvious sin) and I work daily to keep it in check. Just because I was born that way does not give me the freedom to lash out at people in anger either physically or verbally and then just say "That's the way I was born!" as a defense for that sinful behavior. Just as a murderer can't say that's the way they were born as a defense for killing someone. Being born with a sinful tendency doesn't make it okay to act on it.
I especially agree with the referenced blog post where he indicates all of the sexual immoral behavior referenced in the Bible is equally wrong. How, as Christians who believe the Bible is the word of God, can we say that one of those listed is okay, but all the others are wrong? I don't believe we can. We need to continue to be cognizant that homosexuality is a sin and not let the society of the day convince us otherwise.
We can, however, act with compassion towards those who are struggling with the sin of homosexuality. I appreciate the compassion people offer to me when I lose my temper, and those that encourage me to continue to be the best I can be without losing my temper. I know we as Christians hold on to a lot of our sins and don't want to give them up to God; homosexuality is the same way. We are not called to judge or condemn, but encourage and support the sinners (all of us).

About Me-Smart

I have a couple of things about myself I want to post-essentially for me, but all are welcome to analyze either their own lives or mine. This is going to be a mini series of sorts.

As time slips through my fingers I chance to look at myself occasionally and notice that I'm changing right along with my children. Sometimes I like the changes I see and sometimes I don't.

Growing up I got good grades and was in the advanced classes so I always considered myself smart. Not the smartest, but smart nonetheless.

In college I was a "direct admit" into my college instead of waiting until my sophomore year to be admitted (the individual colleges had to accept you from the pool of incoming students to the university). I was in the honors program and graduated cum laude. Again, I knew I wasn't the smartest one there but I could hold my own certainly.

Then out of college I was recruited by a top company who, in the course of my employment with them, told us we were the best in the field. I believed them. Who wouldn't?

I have always felt smarter than the average person, including Tim-namely due to grades in school. However, I've been out of school for long enough (ugh!) that I think grades don't count anymore. Plus I've met a lot of people that I have no idea about how they did in school so I have begun to re-evaluate how I "rate" people's smartness.

It's really turned my world upside down to re-evaluate something I thought I already knew. Try it sometime.

It turns out, while never consciously thinking about it, I have always classified people as either smart or not smart and then within 'smart' I have various levels I categorize people. (It sounds kind of horrible, I know!) I have a few people I know well and then group other people with them that are like them. Examples:
Tim-smart but didn't do well in school because he didn't care to try
L (good friend from HS)-super smart, did great in school, but not a lot of common sense
Me-smart, did well in school, good common sense

Now when I think of these same people I think totally differently:
Tim-really smart and can figure anything out
L-super smart with expertise in her field
Me-smart, but finding my knowledge base is very small

Somehow I'm seeing the world through different eyes. Due to motherhood? Age? Exposure to different world views? Caring more? Caring less? Branching into areas where I have little
to no knowledge? I'm not sure but it's unsettling.

A couple weeks ago when I told Tim that I had come to the conclusion that he was smarter than me it threw him for a loop. (Have I always acted superior to him because I thought I was smarter? I fear I have! Not good for a wife to do and I'm changing that.)

Tim tried to tell me he's not necessarily smarter, he's just a "thinker." I laughed and said, "Yes, but what does that make me, a 'non-thinker'?"

It turns out Tim classified people entirely different than me: either smart or not. All the smart people are the same to him. While I find that odd, maybe it's better since it puts him on a level playing field with them. I realize this is all in my mind but it does play into my attitude towards people. I'm guessing that's partially why I have trouble keeping friends-no one likes a superior attitude, even a hint of one.

So I've eaten a piece of humble pie and am trying to not have a hierarchy in my mind of people-that just can't be good.

I'm not upset about my revelation, I just find it interesting that my view of myself is changing rather drastically at this stage of the game of my life.

I also believe God is showing me where my attitude has been wrong and my heart hard so he can begin to work in those areas. Which is both exciting and scary.

It's Official

I've been so hesitant to put this out on the blog, for fear I will fail. But it's official now so I might as well let you know. There's no turning back. I've paid the fee and bought the airline tickets.

Here goes: I'm going to run a half-marathon. I'm using the term run very loosely at this point! It's the Disney Princess Half Marathon in March, and I'm doing it with three of my mom's sisters and one of my cousins.

A side note here, I've never run before in my life save for volleyball practice in 7th and 9th grades, so I'm not a runner.

I've been half-training since July, mostly just walking. Then I started my conditioning training the middle of August and will start the actual half-marathon training in November. Once I started my conditioning training I got a real pair of running shoes, and oh my that makes a difference.

We have also decided to make it a special weekend for Tim and I. ALONE. How strange will that be? Since we've had the boys we've only taken a night away for ourselves one night. And since next year is our 10 year anniversary and Eli will be almost 7 by then, I think we're due!

We're going to have some family take the boys, hopefully-any volunteers? We figure we'll split them up so it's easier on people.

Then Tim and I can have a weekend without the boys. I'm super excited, and that's what I think about when I'm running and I'd like to stop. Plus my legs are trimming down, which Tim thinks is sexy and that makes it worthwhile too!

I think I'll post weekly updates for the run of the week to help keep me on track. The program I'm doing has me walk/run or walk during the week for a period of time and then take a run on Sundays for a distance. For example last week I "ran" 1.2 miles.

Expectations

I have recently become aware that I have a tendency to expect my children to be better than even I am myself. That is something I didn't want to happen as I remember my Dad always expecting so much of me, all the time. To always remember my manners, speak correctly, write neatly, not be shy, be clean, be a hard worker, be smart, not be scared of animals five times my size, to not be squeamish, to eat liver and onions and like them, to remember what pliers were, how to change the socket from a half inch to a 7/16, when he was working outside in the summer shirtless to know when a fly landed on his back and swish it off and once it got dark to shine the flashlight where he was looking; in short-to be perfect.

I will say my flashlight holdings skills have been the topic of many a discussion. Tim is very proud of that odd skill I have. And it's been very useful to him from time to time.

While the things I expect of my children are of a lesser degree (I think) I tend to not be lenient, even though I vividly remember the sinking feeling I had in my stomach when Dad asked me to do something that I didn't understand how to do or why it was such a big deal. He never "dumbed down" his speech and just expected us to know what he was talking about. I despised the feeling of not knowing what I was supposed to do when it was evident he thought no explanation was necessary. He's like that to this day, when he's talking about some job he's working on, like I am a carpenter of 40 years too. It makes me want to throw out some accounting terms to turn the tables so he's in the dark, but I don't.

I have tried to not be so harsh on my kids as my dad was but I still expect "first time obedience" every time, to answer when I ask a question, and to know when I mean business. And those are tall orders, I know, I remember. They're just kids.

I know first off, that it is my job to instruct them and not to be a source of irritation to them. I also need to remember that I can't expect them to know things I haven't taught them, which sometimes I forget. Tim is great at helping to explain and teach things to the boys, which helps.

All that to say that some of the strife we go through at our house is because of me. I realize that and I'm working on it, but it's hard and I expect I'll fail a lot of times before I get it right, if I get it right. But that's the beauty of family, they'll keep loving me and we'll all grow and learn together. Just like me and my Dad.

Accountability

I'm trying something new, we'll see how it goes. I'm going to try to memorize some scripture, something I've never really done. Like I really need to add something else to my schedule! However, in the season of Lent I'm going to give up something and add something to my life. I'm adding learning some verses, and I'm giving up clutter. Piles of junk and clutter in my home beware!

Off to the side I'm posting the verse(s) that I'm working on and I'll update it when I learn this one and start a new one. I'm hoping that it won't take me much more than a week to learn, but we'll see. This first one is five verses, but it's one that always hits me over the head when I read or hear it, one that I need to impress on both myself and my children, so I figured it was a good place to start.

As a practical matter, I'm printing the verse on a piece of paper and taping to the back of a business card so I can keep it with me to read over when I have a minute, also I can sit it beside my computer at work and read over it multiple times a day.

Part of why I started this blog was to help keep me accountable, even if no one ever reads my blog I'm more likely to follow through on something if it's in "black and white" so to speak. I'd like to pick a new verse for the week every Sunday, quite a lofty goal, but now I've put it out there in bloggyland, so I at least have to try!

Who knows, it may even make me a better person...